herownheart:

R.I.P Steve Jobs

R.I.P.

Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here…this song..its tune is so piercing..it reminds me of a time i dont want to be reminded of…

story of my life…

essirahc:

I just take my time with all this sh*t, I still believe in that. I had someone tell me I fell off, ooh I needed that.

<3 it..

My view. Laying on the beach in corpus christi..

Disappointment:

noun. [dis-uh-point-muhnt].To fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of. To let down. 

Expectation is good and bad in itself.

The good: ’I expect to get an “A” on my exam after all that studying I did.’

The bad: ‘Well I gave him money, I would expect he’d pay me back.’

And the examples are endless. So often I have been asked, “WHY would you do that for her” or “Why did you buy that for him, you know he’s taking advantage of you?” etc..Well, heres my theory:

In all of the ups and downs, when the DOWNS (like this is where most people don’t go back up) were bad the people who I needed first, my true friends per say, were there. Whether it was financially or emotionally. They listened provided comfort and were there for me in all ways possible. 

For the friends that I have recently made, the ones I’ve had forever and the ones everywhere in between, I truly have the best friends. I take every ounce of any good deed done to lend a helping hand in my direction as a random act of kindness. 

I know I can’t possibly pay each and every friend for everything they have done for me so I pay it forward. Yes Yes I know this was a movie and the whole concept was publicized. But in all actuality, if EVERYONE would just pay it forward the world would be a better place. 

Give a homeless man a couple bucks, go out of your way to help a stranger, give the shirt off you back to a friend…all of it is paying it forward. So when you see me go out of my way for someone that you’d least expect. Keep in mind that I’m simply paying it forward =) and don’t expect that person to repay you because if you think back, there was a time when someone helped you out and you either couldn’t or simply forgot to return to favor. Look at it as balancing out what was already given to you..

homesick for this..butterfly beach..santa barbara, ca..this pic was taken the first time I visited nearly 8 years ago. its the place i want to spend the rest of my life..

Many of the girls I’m closest to have been having insane boy drama, from break ups to cheating to being treated like sh*t. It all makes me think about why we even get ourselves involved in a relationship if all it does is make us miserable?? I always get the “because he makes me happy or used” excuse..

Looking back, I’ve definitely had my heart ripped out before and trust me, it is no laughing matter. I don’t like to look back at those times but sometimes its good to reanalyze the negative things that have happened to us to bring about the positive. 

I remember talking to my very close friend, someone I look up to and wish to be more like (Molly). [side note: Molly and I went to high school together. We went to an all-girls Catholic School. Molly is extremely religious and is the reason I’ve become so much more committed to being Catholic]] the tear filled eyes I listened to her tell me the story of a teacher that spoke at our senior retreat..

Happiness doesn’t come from the person we’re dating or married to. There is some kind of false hope that we will find a person that will make us happy. No one can make you happy. And no one should seek happiness in someone else or a relationship with someone else. You have to find happiness in your own way. The only reason we should be with someone, bf or husband, is because that person makes us HAPPIER. 

If you’re not already happy, don’t expect to find happiness in someone else. 

God steers us many ways. I don’t mind listening to my friends or providing a shoulder to lean on (because I would want the same).  Maybe you’re relationship isn’t working out because either you or your significant other really isn’t happy on their own. So before you get into anything, find yourself first and what truly makes you happy. Hell I’m still figuring that out.. =)

Since I was a child, I have always had a love for music and the arts. My dad tells me the story of when I was in the 1st grade. I came home after the traveling musician introduced me to the violin and told him I wanted to learn because the sound was amazing. I played violin for 6 years, excelled to the intermediate orchestra, played at seasonal events around the city. and then one day, I just quit. I’m still not really sure why…worst decision I’ve made yet…

Sometime in my college years, I was required to enroll in a music appreciation course. This class changed me. Yea I loved playing my violin. Every now and then I would think about when I first learned how to play, I would think my violin teacher had lost her marbles when she would say things like “Do you feel it? The music, it just runs through your veins and moves your body?” I’d give her a weird stare and play the piece over, yet still not perfecting it like she had explained. 

It wasn’t until my music appreciation class that REALLY made me FEEL the music. I remember being on the brink of a breakdown, I hated engineering, my social life was a mess, my home life in shambles and I somehow forced myself to go to a symphony. Well, first the symphony was required for the class and second, I hadn’t been to a symphony since I was a child. I wasn’t 100% sure how was gonna take it.

So often I hear people say classical music is whack or boring etc..but that first symphony I went to (after spending years without hearing classical music) was one of the best experiences of my life. I could actually FEEL the music. And as the string musicians pulled their bows gently across their A string then to D string then to E..I actually felt a kind of ease. One that I never knew could exist. Kind of like when a masseuse would work the kinks out in your neck or shoulders but BETTER almost addicting. I felt like I wanted to sit there for hours hearing every single note played as though it were meant to explain a part of my life. 

I left that performance like nothing could ever go wrong and if it did, it would always work out. 

Is that amazing how music could do this? Maybe you should try to find your outlet and don’t sweat the small stuff =)