HAHHAHAHA

BAHAHA This reminds me of one of my college roommates.. she used to use my restroom whenever he bf would come over..nasty biaatch but in some ways i still <3 her. She married her bf too lol idk where she poops now 

So my mom sent me an “I miss you-happy halloween” card. I balled like a child..

There is so much behind this, more than words can explain. A little more about me and why this made me ball like a child.

From the beginning, when all things were simple and I wasn’t even tall enough to reach the door knobs. My childhood, I must say, was not bad nor was a spoiled beyond control. My parents were not rich so the both worked, my dad worked nights and my mom worked days leaving me without my mom and dad for at least the for 6 to 7 years of my life. My grandmother, on my mom’s side, was petitioned to come to the states to care for me. She had been the closest person to me for the majority of my life. She was the person the raised me, instilled her values, her knowledge, her crazy Filipino ways. I was fluent in Tagalog and semi-fluent in illocano. Anyways, my Mamang (what I called her) was essentially my mother and father.

So time went on, 3 of my moms sisters immigrated to the US and by this time I was 13. Just on the verge of the fantastic age of rebellion, when I got the most devastating news ever. Mamang was moving to San Francisco with my 3 aunts because a lot of our family lived there, and it wasn’t much of a culture shock since San Fran is like little Manilla.

Mamang and my aunts moved out, my mom and dad worked the same day shifts and here I was left with two people that had no idea who I was.

FAST FORWARD: The past few years my mother and I butted heads. I did spend a lot of quality time with my dad and we were close. But being that my mom WAS NOT raised by my grandmother, their ways were completely different. I know my mom does the things that she does/says because she loves me and doesn’t want me to make mistakes.

Anyhoo..now that I have moved away from home and live in Dallas for work we do get along much better and YES I AM ADMITTING IT I MISS THE HECK OUTTA THAT CRAZY WOMAN I CALL MOM. Her sending me this card really makes me sad that we couldn’t have the relationship that I have with my grandmother..Homesick for alot of reasons..

Many of the girls I’m closest to have been having insane boy drama, from break ups to cheating to being treated like sh*t. It all makes me think about why we even get ourselves involved in a relationship if all it does is make us miserable?? I always get the “because he makes me happy or used” excuse..

Looking back, I’ve definitely had my heart ripped out before and trust me, it is no laughing matter. I don’t like to look back at those times but sometimes its good to reanalyze the negative things that have happened to us to bring about the positive. 

I remember talking to my very close friend, someone I look up to and wish to be more like (Molly). [side note: Molly and I went to high school together. We went to an all-girls Catholic School. Molly is extremely religious and is the reason I’ve become so much more committed to being Catholic]] the tear filled eyes I listened to her tell me the story of a teacher that spoke at our senior retreat..

Happiness doesn’t come from the person we’re dating or married to. There is some kind of false hope that we will find a person that will make us happy. No one can make you happy. And no one should seek happiness in someone else or a relationship with someone else. You have to find happiness in your own way. The only reason we should be with someone, bf or husband, is because that person makes us HAPPIER. 

If you’re not already happy, don’t expect to find happiness in someone else. 

God steers us many ways. I don’t mind listening to my friends or providing a shoulder to lean on (because I would want the same).  Maybe you’re relationship isn’t working out because either you or your significant other really isn’t happy on their own. So before you get into anything, find yourself first and what truly makes you happy. Hell I’m still figuring that out.. =)